Mysterious Ways in Which the Lord Works (on McSweeney's)

Hey. Wow.

It looks like McSweeney's done published up something I did.

I haven't really mentioned it before, but they have some other stuff of mine. I wanted to tell you about it, but I could never find the right moment, and you were always so drunk and hitty.

Anyway, here's everything. (Please, not in the face.)

Of course, it all began with this retarded bit of plagiarism.

Which led to this certain-to-never-become-dated classic.

Which naturally only encouraged more stupidity.

Until finally, my little run peaked with this idiotic gem, which later appeared in printed form in McSweeney's humor anthology thing.

That scared me. It scared me a lot. One of two things were possible:
A) I was becoming a real writer, or more likely,
B) I was in way over my head next to the likes of John Moe, John Hodgman, Michael Ian Black and a dozen other real-real writers.

The answer was pretty clear to me. You didn't have to spell it out. I never submitted anything to anyone in any form ever again.

Until this.

I don't know why I did it. I think I just decided not to care anymore. Or I got distracted and forgot what a hack I am. Or I was drunk.

All I know is this: I don't care anymore if you think I suck.

Well, okay, I do.

But it isn't stopping me anymore. Being stupid is too much fun. Almost as much fun as being drunk.